Wednesday, 20 April 2016

False Nails: A diary (of a girl wearing them for the first time)

False nails.
Falisies.
Acrylics.
Talons.

Whatever you want to call them, they look pretty fab, right?
Especially when they’re a gorgeous colour, or a funky pattern, but how do they actually feel?
Can you still live your daily life wearing these accessories when, like me, you’ve never worn them ever before?


Well, I tried! I picked up this little box from Superdrug and here is how my week went wearing gorgeous gold falsies…



Elegant Touch "Constellation", Superdrug / £7.95



Day 1

1000 So far so good. Application successful. Only took about 10 minutes, and my god, they look FIERCE!!!
All I want to do is touch my face and lip sync to Adele’s ‘Hello’, but alas, time to get ready and see how they actually affect my day-to-day life…

1030 It has legit taken me about 15 mins to put on my socks for fear these alien nails are going to fall off. I’m so glad I’ve already done my make up and put normal clothes on.

1045 Spoke too soon. Jewellery clasps! Remember when there was a time I could fasten them myself? Oh yes… yesterday.





1105 I’ve officially turned into my mum typing into my iphone by using one index finger and concentrating on trying to use my actual fingertip and not my nail. I did try to text normally with my thumbs at first, but my friends kept asking if I was drunk.

1200 I love these nails! I feel I’m talking with my hands A LOT just to show them off. Also- the compliments I’m getting on these bad boys. £7.95, Superdrug, dahling!

1330 Okay, so unbuttoning jeans feels weird. Like, really weird. Might have to limit how many times I pee today.



Day 2

0900 Waking up feeling like Khloe K admiring my tantalising talons! #SassQueen

0915 Applying moisturiser and Vaseline is now a rather difficult daily task. Got the product stuck under the nails. Am I saving it for later or is that just gross? I can’t decide.

1000 Nope. Now the difficulty rating of physically getting ready has gone up a few levels. Why did I pick a button up shirt? What was I thinking?! Also had to ask my brother to pull up my jeans a bit for me… #awkies

1310 “Just pop your pin in when you’re ready”…
I’m trying, but these damn nails are in the way!
“You’re nails are lovely!”
“Aw thanks, I know. They’re great!” 
*struggles with pin entry*

1940 Wash the dishes? Can’t soz, my nails might fall off. (Best excuse ever!)

2030 Rubbing shampoo into my hair VERY lightly, and giving myself a nice little head massage along with it. This isn’t that bad, oh wait... nails catching stray hairs!


Day 3

0935 Typing. On a computer. Who knew this sound was so satisfying before?

1100 Asking my friend to open my packet of snack-a-jacks was a bit inconvenient. I’m an independent woman, yo!

1730 Attempting to load the washing machine with towels feels rather strange. I feel like I’m avoiding using the tips of my fingers to do the simplest of tasks.



Day 4

0830 Uh oh. Lost a thumb nail brushing my hair too vigorously. Better glue that bad boy back on before I head out.

1140 Uh oh. Lost a pinky nail. Why didn’t I bring my nail glue with me?

1600 Aaaaand there goes a middle finger nail. I’m officially shedding *sob*


Day 5

1000 Actually starting to get used to the nails and wondering why I have never tried them before.

1400 Dragging my excess change from the bar to my empty hand.  (Picking each coin up with my fingers was proving to be rather challenging).


Day 6

1140 Aaah, a new challenge has arisen in the form of pill packets. My paracetamol literally flew across the room like a catapult. Ah well, it’s gone forever. Guess I'm gonna have to man up with my headache.


Day 7

1000 More nails are starting to peel off at the slightest thing. Guess they're just not made to last much longer than a week at best.

1800 Feel everyone in the gym is looking at me weird coz I have one index finger nail and one thumbail (on separate hands). What? Do you think this was my decision to go out like this? Weights. I'll do weights... they should loosen the last ones standing, right?

1945 Nope. It was actually petting my dog that done it! Au revoir, false nails!




Now the nails are officially off, the remaining specks of glue have been filed away and I have painted a clear coat of strengthening gloss on top; I feel about 60% less attractive.
Which is weird as I spent the first few days regretting the application, but actually got used to them being a part of me as the week went on.
Having longer nails gave me life and kinda made me feel slightly more, empowered? Sexy?
Idk… But what I do know is, I’m trying to reintroduce my actual nails to my phone again, which is weird. It feels as if my screen has shrunk. 

All in all, I did love having the longer nails, but personally, I’d maybe only wear them on a special occasion or for a night out. 


RIP Golden Claws


Stace x

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